This is why you’re still single

I just spent an hour researching the search term, “why you’re still alone.” I always research blog topics before writing to ensure that I’m not just regurgitating information that’s already been disseminated. No. Chance. Here.

I’ve never seen a topic riddled with more apathetic answers devoid of encouraging people to take personal responsibility in all the years I’ve been blogging.  Here’s a sample of what I found during that hour of my life that I’ll never get back:

“You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

“You’re being selective – it’s a good thing.”

“You have standards.”

“You’ve been hurt and you’re defensive but it’s ok.

“You haven’t made it a priority.”

“Real connections are rare.”

Really?

So I guess I have to be the bearer of truth. Here are the top 5 reasons why you’re still single:

1. You’re a hot mess. Or some version of a mess. Seriously, you haven’t done your own work. You’re looking for a person to fill a void which sets up an unrealistic expectation and virtually guarantees that you’re going to attract a person who’s also a hot mess.

2. You keep attracting the same type of person again and again. And it’s because you haven’t done your own work. You can’t change a pattern unless you understand why it’s happening – so get into therapy and make some new mistakes.

3. You continue to employ the same dating strategies. You haven’t changed but you’re expecting change. You haven’t changed your online dating profile, you refuse to employ the services of someone who could assist you in revamping your profile (because you want to be you and authentic. Tell that to the marketing industry. They don’t bullshit us about what the product is – they simply know how to get us to pay attention to the product so that we buy it and discover how amazing it is), you refuse to do online dating (it’s creepy, right? Much more creepy than meeting someone in a bar or at a party when your judgment is diminished by alcohol – now that’s a strategy), you refuse to hire a professional photographer to sub out your shitty selfie (again, you want to be ‘authentic’ to which I say, why bother bathing or combing your hair?), you haven’t lost those 25 pounds or engaged the services of a wardrobe stylist (or gotten a makeup / hair consult so that you look like you come from this millennium). Again, different outcomes are the result of different strategies and actions.

4. You’ve got a “situation,” aka, fuck buddy. I’m not even going to insult your intelligence by elaborating on this.

   OK, I can’t help myself. The fuck buddy is filling a void that would otherwise motivate you to get off your ass and actively look for someone better. There.

5. You’re waiting. To lose that weight, to reach a level in your career or a dollar amount in your investment portfolio. You’re gonna be waiting a long time. We call this emotional procrastination. These are just stories you tell yourself to keep from getting in the game.

Bonus: Speaking of game, you probably don’t have any. Again, because you want to be yourself, you want to be sincere, and you think you’re too old, too tired [insert excuse here] to play games.  You choose to ignore all the scientific data (there’s a bunch) confirming that in the courting stage of relationships, we’re universally more attracted to excitement (read: uncertainty) than predictability (read: boring). 

PS: Want to hear about this kind of stuff? We’re all talking about it over on my private Facebook group. Click here to join!