Should I Pull A Ben Affleck?

I met someone last summer. Sexual chemistry was good, but she was hot and cold, so I asked what’s wrong. She said she’s scared of ending up in a marriage like her last. She’s intimidated by my symbols of prosperity and she feels bad about herself around me. 

I thought we were done until she invited me over to her dumpy apt for dinner. The next morning we had plans for Pride and she canceled. She said she needed to see a therapist to get herself together. 

I’m wondering if I should pull a Ben Affleck and reach out to her now that it’s been a while to see if she is in a healthier headspace. What do you think?

 

I want you to re-read the first sentence of the second paragraph in your question and tell me why she feels bad about herself around you…

You’re thinking, I don’t talk that way to her and I’m telling you that you do. Even if you’re not quite that crass, you make your opinions known. We all do. 

Secure people don’t ooze judgment. There’s nothing wrong with dating someone who’s in a different financial situation than yours. If you’ve got it together like you say, why didn’t you bypass her “dumpy” apartment and drop some cash on a nice restaurant? 

Listen, I’m all for second chances. But for you to pull a Ben Affleck, you’d have to be willing to do your own work during the breakup instead of waiting for her to do it all. 

Pivoting from you to therapy was the litmus test for your ex’s mental health — and she passed. You could learn from her. 

 

WRITER’S DEMOGRAPHICS

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Lesbian