Why Attachment Matters

Dear Dr. Darcy: 

My therapist doesn’t want to end therapy, but I do. I’ve been seeing him 3 years. I can feel my self getting attached that’s why I want to leave. I’m not for sure what I should do???

ANSWER 

Healthy relationships require us to attach. When people have intimacy issues, the idea of attaching can be terrifying, even in platonic relationships. The relationship with your therapist is triggering your attachment issues. Good therapy triggers our shit. It’s supposed to. That you’re feeling a desire to run for the hills is reasonable. That you’re contemplating doing it is not.

I rarely say this, but your shrink is right. If you bounce now, you’ll miss the opportunity to learn how to attach. Choose this path and your attachment issues will continue to hamper every relationship you have. It’s the easier path in the short run, but you’re going to pay for it.

You know the answer. It’s in your question. If you want a more specific answer, here it is: Tell him why you want to end therapy, ask him for guidance on how to stay engaged in the process and ask for coping mechanisms to use when staying in the process becomes very uncomfortable.

In the final analysis, all that matters in life is that we’re happy – and happiness is largely contingent on the quality of our relationships. If you can’t attach, your relationships will consist of other people who can’t attach, and that, my friend, is not a recipe for a happy life.

Gender & Orientation: Female, Straight.