Where’d She Go?

Dear Dr. Darcy:

Ok so I met this girl at work, immediately we had intense eye contact we [and we] would stare at each other and its like nothing else existed at that moment. I was able to work with her one day and we hit it off good and had pretty good chemistry. Then after I left the job I found her on Facebook. She added me [and] I messaged her and she messaged back once. I messaged her back a couple more times but no answer. It’s been like three months now. I don’t understand why she won’t talk to me. I’ve seen her again in pubic but we just had that intense eye contact again nothing else. I really want to get to know this girl but I don’t know what to do. Am I coming off too strong or is she just not that into me? Advice would be greatly appreciated.

ANSWER

Is she gay? Is she out? And for that matter, are you gay? Are you out? I find the way you identified your sexual orientation (below) to be confusing at best. Seriously? Sexual? So what did you clarify in answering that way, that you’re not A-sexual, or that you don’t like labeling yourself? There’s a reason why I ask the question – it’s not just to put your question in its proper context. It’s because it helps me answer your question, which I’m now having difficulty doing because you didn’t do what every other person who submits a question to my blog does. So not only are you uniquely special, your needs likely won’t get met in my answer.

Let’s just say for argument’s sake that you’re somehow obviously gay and that she is too. Yes, you might have come on too strong. That eye contact that you speak of…that level of intensity ~ it’s hot, but it can’t be all you have or it can easily turn intimidating or creepy. You need variety. You need game. You shouldn’t have messaged her more than once without a reply. You know nothing about this woman or why she might have stopped messaging you. You had little enough invested – you should have moved on.  When whatever was going on in her life changes, she might come around. In the meantime, find a distraction. There are gazillions of women out there. That is, unless you’re straight, which of course brings me back to my initial complaint.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Sexual.