Toy Story

Dr. Darcy –

My girlfriend always wants to use my [sex] toys when we’re hooking up at my apartment.  I used to sleep with men and I have a big issue with this because I don’t know how to handle the issue of disease.  Not that she’s got a disease (that I know of) and I don’t either, but lets face it:  Lesbians aren’t known for having safe sex, but when there’s a toy involved, unsafe begins to feel seriously risky to me. How have you handled this issue in the past? I know you’re married now but when you were single, did you share toys?

ANSWER

Let me start by clarifying your question so that readers who are not gay understand what your concerns are:

The reason why you have an issue with sharing sex toys, specifically, a dildo or vibrator, is because you used to have sex with men and you have a frame of reference for having safe sex when penetration is involved (go Team Hetero).  In lesbian sex, there is not necessarily penetration involved, and as a result, the lesbian community (generally speaking) tends to be more lackadaisical about having safe sex (boo Team Lesbo).

Girlfriend, stick a condom on your phallic-looking toy of choice and put your concerns to rest.  And change the condom before you change the person who it’s being used on.  There’s no big mystery here.  Unless, of course, you’re concerned about offending her by pulling out a condom…

Ladies, we need to get over this and we need to start having more safe sex.  If we were all more accustomed to slapping a plastic barrier between our partners and ourselves, this would be a non issue and no one would blink at the sight of a condom being torn open, unless it was to confirm that there was no penis in the room.

I always find it interesting when people ask me direct questions about myself and my experiences – particularly when they know that there is a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ answer to their dilemma and that my advice might seem convoluted when taken within the context of what I’ve personally done when I was in their shoes. This is really just my way of saying:  Do as I say…Not as I’ve done.

Writer’s stats: Female, lesbian.