Three’s Company

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I have had fantasies about threesomes my whole life.  I am in my late 20’s, married, and I don’t know how to bring this up to my husband.  He’s never expressed wanting a threesome.  Do you think it’s a mistake to ask for one and if not, how do you suggest I do it?

 

 

ANSWER

For some couples it’s a sexual adventure and for others it’s an emotional nightmare.  It all depends on the couple and the motivation for wanting a threesome. That he’s never openly expressed an interest in a 3-way makes your husband sound like a mutant strain of heterosexual male. Nonetheless, it’s possible that he’s open to the idea and that you two have simply never shared fantasies with one another. But before we work out how you’re going to ask him, let’s make sure you’re ready for one.

Think this through before proposing it to your husband.  Specifically, work out your game rules. What can he do to the guest star and what can’t he do?  And who will the guest star be?  Someone you know or a stranger? And of which gender?  Don’t just imagine yourself in the moment ~ imagine yourself the day after.  How will you feel when you’re out of the bedroom? If you can’t fathom any reservations, you are officially green lighted for said proposal.

Opening the door to this conversation can be as simple as suggesting to your husband that the two of you share fantasies. When it’s your turn, let him know that you’ve always wanted to have sex with a 3^rd.  Be prepared for him to set his own ground rules.  Ground rules are non-negotiable, unless, of course, you want to provoke his discomfort and pull the discussion off the table.  Good luck & use a condom.

Writer’s Stats: Female, bi.