Things I got wrong in 2019


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In an era where abdicating responsibility for one’s mistakes has become the norm, I’ve decided to ponder those I made in 2019 – if for no other reason than to buck the trend. 

And since my tendency to drill down to a molecular level could result in this looking less like a blog and more like a novella of self-flagellation, I’m sticking to big categories in the hope of identifying big takeaways – for both of us.  

What follows is an incomplete list of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in 2019:

I blew off my Relationship Meeting. 

Steph and I teach our clients to hold weekly Relationship Meetings. We do this for several reasons: 

  • Couples typically view “discussions” as code for conflict, and so they avoid them. Having a weekly meeting creates mounting evidence that conversations can be devoid of conflict. And because of the way we teach clients to structure them, they’re actually bonding and often enjoyable. 

  • Partners are better able to tolerate sitting with discomfort when they know they have a time and place to address concerns. Which means everyone’s less likely to be on the receiving end of a “We have to talk” ambush.

  • The meeting itself is symbolic of the priority both partners place on their relationship.  It’s at least as important as a work meeting. It’s sacred. And showing up weekly is a gesture that both people are willing to invest the time and energy that the relationship requires. 

It all works beautifully when you actually have the relationship meeting, which we didn’t do for most of 2019 – then found ourselves wondering why we didn’t feel as connected as we normally do. 

So, earlier this month, we jumped back on the wagon. Which of course has made a difference. I intend to keep this meeting going in 2020. Just as I keep every other meeting going that’s important to me.

I didn’t use deadlines.

And it bit me in the ass. 

Here’s how the story went in my head: Darcy, you’ve been sprinting through life since 2015 – since your first TV show. It’s OK to let creative projects take as long as they need. 

Don’t get me wrong – everyone on team Sterling was super busy in 2019. But most of our projects are only 75%-85% completed. Which is disappointing. To everyone.

Two months ago, we started making a weekly schedule with weekly deadlines for task completion. Suddenly productivity exploded. 

I’ll keep using the weekly deadlines in 2020.

I’ve been creatively undisciplined. 

I’ve been an entrepreneur since 1998.

Since then, I’ve had the ability to capitalize on any business idea that’s found its way into my head. 

Part of the reason why so many of our projects from 2019 didn’t cross the finish line is because I’ve been like an undisciplined kid for a year, redirecting the focus of the team at my whim. 

Two months ago when I realized that we weren’t going to be able to complete most of our 2019 projects by year’s end, I asked for feedback from the team. Apparently switching priorities every couple of weeks wasn’t helpful. 

So now I have a list. Any ideas I have go on the list, and nothing on the list gets touched until we complete our 3 big 2019 projects.

What about you? What were your missteps in 2019?
Darcy@AskDrDarcy.com