The Wrong Kind of Spinning

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My fiancé and I were both fairly overweight for most of our lives.  About a year ago, she started dieting and exercising and not surprisingly the weight started to come off. Now she’s at a good weight.  She looks beautiful and feels better about herself.  But she may be feeling too good about herself.  She’s doing a lot of flirting and getting lots of attention from men.  I understand that she felt trapped in her body for decades, but we’re engaged to be married and I’m worried I may be losing her.

ANSWER

Telling me that you were ‘fairly overweight’ is not helpful.  It’s vague, open to misinterpretation, and I suspect it’s what got you overweight in the first place.  Not saying I don’t get it.  I put on 25 lbs about a year and a half ago, but I thought it was only 15, because I wouldn’t step on a scale. In June I began seeing a nutritionist who required me to weigh myself weekly and suddenly – I had clarity.  And weight loss followed shortly thereafter.  You need to get on a scale and get clear on how big the problem is.  Today.  As soon as you’re done reading this.

What were you doing when she began changing her lifestyle?  Did you think it was just a phase?  A passing fancy?  Is that why you didn’t join her?  You didn’t want to start up another diet regime only to quit again?  You could’ve viewed it as an opportunity to do it the right way this time.  Sustainably.  Successfully.  So you rolled the dice, banked on her failing, and now you’re afraid.

You’re afraid that you’re on your way to losing her.  And guess what?  You might be.   You found each other in part because you were physically compatible.  Well, now you’re not, and you know it.  I don’t say this to be a bitch (though I fully acknowledge being one).  I say this because it’s true.  And all the stories you’re spinning in your head which are causing you to stall instead of hiring a trainer or a nutritionist (or BOTH) are going to cause you to lose her.  Stop spinning.  Or start spinning – physically.

You need to change your life not only to keep the woman you love, but because you deserve to be healthy.  Send me an email and I’ll hook you up with my people:  A celeb personal trainer and a kick ass nutritionist.  I’m happy to help in any way I can.  But you have to take action and accept the help I’m offering.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Straight.