Sucker

Dear Dr. Darcy:

A close friend of mine might be in hot water. She found out her boyfriend (whom I’ve always hated) was basically cheating on her and doing things like going to strip clubs behind her back. She enlisted some of our friends to get back at him. They took him down to a club that has a bad reputation and convinced him to try a glory hole. It wasn’t hard because he’s a cheating jerk with no respect for women. They arranged to have the girl behind the wall trade places with one of our friends, a gay man. He had no idea he was being sucked by a man and that we were all watching. Right after he came my friend surprised him and caught him literally with his pants down. She broke up with him right there and revealed he had just gotten a blowjob from a man.

I witnessed it and I have to say it was glorious. His face was priceless and I wish I had a picture of it. He is the biggest homophobe and cop supporter. The angrier he got the funnier it was. Eventually we all split because he was getting a little scary. Later we heard that he was telling people he was raped and that he was planning to sue. He said it was “straight baiting” and that it was illegal.

So did we do anything wrong? I would do it again in a heartbeat. If it’s illegal it shouldn’t be. Sure, our friend group is pretty wild and we have a good time. He wasn’t hurt. It serves him right for being so homophobic.

ANSWER

His lawsuit would look like this: Guy buys cocaine, uses, decides it was too cut/very impure, tries to sue drug dealer. It’s not happening. The blowjob that he got was illegal because there was payment involved. That it came from a man is irrelevant, though clearly not to him.

This was one of the funniest and karmically-correct stories I’ve ever heard. This guy’s got more character flaws than my audience has patience to hear me lament on, so I’ll close with saying it was perfection. Well done.

Writer’s Stats: Femme, Lesbian