She’s Not Gay. Should I Stay Away?

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I am the gal who recently wrote you the “Mixed Signals” question.  As advised, I was strong enough to refrain from…the friend of mine [who gave] me mixed signals. I refrained from drinking with her and being alone with her without other people around. It was tempting but I didn’t ask her to hang out or try and flirt with her (let’s just give her the name “Emily”).

However, I attended a party last night… I was invited by another friend of mine who was throwing it. Emily was at the party because she lives at that house…  A few hours into the party… she texted me while sitting next to me and said “Not gonna lie, I’m soooo horny.” Then looked up at me when I received it and read it.

I’m sure you already guessed what I’m getting at Dr. Darcy. My weakness is too obvious and there’s a chance you’re grinning right now knowing exactly how I responded to this.  I replied telling her I could fix that…

She got up and… I followed her outside, and she led me to the side of the house with no windows and we kissed against the house. It was the most intense kiss one could even imagine… I stopped [and] I nicely said it wasn’t right because she had been drinking and I don’t want to take advantage of her. We just stood out there and talked about it… She said she was straight in that conversation and I respect that… We promised to still be friends like always…

Please, will you tell me what you think about this? How in the world do you interpret any of this? I’m absolutely beside myself in shock from last night.

ANSWER

I give you credit, College Girl. You managed to follow my advice and stay away from her ~ at least until this party.

College Girl, you are obsessed with ‘Emily,’ not in the clinical sense but in the, you can’t stop thinking about her sense. I know (and my readers know) that you’re not going to refocus until you get her out of your system, regardless of the likelihood that she’s a dead end. Consequently, I say go for it.  You can’t learn from my mistakes (not that I’ve made this particular one) or from anyone else’s.  You’re looking for permission.  You want to know that you’re not taking advantage of her. You don’t want to feel like a creep.  You are not a creep.  This girl is into you. You two are the only ones confused about this.

You’ve learned a valuable lesson in the past month.  You’ve learned that when you stay away from her, you become more attractive to her.  She feels safe when she’s not being heavily pursued. And the safer she feels the more likely she is to pursue you. If you want to hook up with this girl, keep doing what you’ve been doing.  If you want her to run for the hills, show her you’re super interested. So there you have it, College Girl. Your first lesson in ‘Game.’ It works with every woman:  Straight, Bi, Gay…and it will work with Emily.  And do update us as things evolve.  Pretty soon I’ll give you your own category called “College Girl.”

Writer’s Stats: Female, Lesbian.