Saboteur

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My Fiancée and I have been together for 4 and a half years, we are in the process of buying our first home and were planning to marry next year.

Everything was going well and I love her, more than life itself, but, I went out with friends [on] the weekend and cheated on her with another girl. Someone neither of us know. I came home late the next morning and told her immediately. She is, obviously, finding it hard to cope but she is trying. I don’t want to lose what we have, but she is against seeing a therapist, for now at least. I am at a loss. I do not know why I made the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it fully.

Any advice you can offer will be gratefully received.

ANSWER

Stop focusing on the fiancée and focus on yourself. Your little tryst should have sent YOU running to the nearest therapist. Instead, you are so concerned that your fiancée may not recover from this blow that you’ve failed to recognize your own growth opportunity.

It’s imperative to identify why you cheated, which is why I want you in therapy immediately. I suspect you have a history of sabotaging good things in your life. This is an opportunity to learn a life lesson that you’ve failed to learn in the past.  Unless you want to repeat this mistake again and again, I suggest you do your own work and let your fiancée to do hers. Email me for names of therapists.

Writer’s stats: Female, Lesbian.