Protect Thyself

Good day Dr Darcy:

I got myself into a tricky situation. 3 years ago I met a woman whom I believed was my soul mate. I knew she was in a relationship but when she asked me out, I said yes and we soon started dating. Eventually she left the other woman. 6 glorious months later in a classic case of karma, she cheated on me. I was shattered, picked up what was left of my heart and left her.

Around April this year she called me to say her son has been asking about me, so I agreed to meet with them. One of the things that drew me to her was her intelligence… We ended up talking about all kinds of things, and she mentioned to me that she is looking for investors for her business and I was looking for an investment opportunity. Sounded perfect.

I looked over her plan, and the prospects look good. But, the more time I spend with her, the more I realise that I am not over her. And I realise that for my own good, I need to remove myself from the agreement, but part of me is hoping for a reunion. My brain is telling me I need to revoke my offer to invest.

Advice please.

ANSWER

There can be no reunion because you already know the end of the story: She cheated for you, she cheated on you, and she’ll cheat on you again.

I want you to call her (do not see her in person again) and tell her that although you feel it might be a profitable investment, you cannot involve yourself for personal reasons. If she pushes the issue and requires you to explain, tell her this: Being a business partner is akin to marriage, and since we did not work out personally, I do not want to be in a committed relationship with you – professional or otherwise.

Moving forward, if her son wishes to see you, let her drop him off for an afternoon (the way divorced people do) and pick him up in the evening. Do not invite her in. Set boundaries. You have to protect yourself. If you don’t, know one else will.

Writer’s Stats:  I am a lesbian woman from Namibia.