Oral Skills

Dr. Darcy,

Hi.  I’m a straight girl in my 20’s dating a straight guy in his 30’s.  I love my boyfriend very much and we have a very good relationship.  My family loves him and everyone expects us to marry soon.  But I can’t marry someone that isn’t good at oral.  I’ve tried telling him a thousand times what I want and he just doesn’t get it.  So before we get engaged I’m going to send him to a therapist to learn how to be better.  The question is do I send him to a straight man/woman, or do I send him to a lesbian?  Would you be willing to see him?

ANSWER

Just to clarify, your issue with the boyfriend doesn’t pertain to his dental hygiene ~ it pertains to his oral sex skills, right?  And you want to know if I will agree to be your boyfriend’s therapist so that I can give him lesbian tips on how to please you?  No.  Do not send the boyfriend to a shrink for fixing.  This is not his problem.  This is a couple’s problem.

Presuming that this guy isn’t expressing some passive-aggression (essentially ignoring your feedback because he is angry with you and he’s unable to directly express his anger), one can only conclude that your methods of communication are about as effective as his talent in going down on you.  Apparently you could both improve your oral skills.

Giving someone feedback about bedroom skills can be tricky.  Ideally, if you’re a good communicator during sex, than the feedback becomes part of the act.  And here’s where your training comes into play:  You need to talk to your man about what you want and about what you like.

You need to be talking from the moment his lips leave yours and he starts making his way down south.  If he tends to move too quickly, tell him that you love the way it feels when he’s kissing your neck and to spend more time there.   Repeat this for every body part.  Take some responsibility for the pace of your lovemaking.  Catch him when he’s doing something right.  Then make some NOISE.

It takes two people to suck in bed.  And in my opinion, the majority of the responsibility falls on the person who isn’t inspiring their partner to bring it home.