Not Apparent to All Parents

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My mother is a nightmare.  Her goal in life is to embarrass me and ruin my life.  She’s been doing this since I was a kid.  I’m now in 10th grade and she’s taken it to a whole new level.  This weekend, she joined Facebook and she POSTED ABOUT A FIGHT WE HAD!!!! Now all my friends can read all about the details. And her friends keep giving her fucking advice on how to deal with me on her wall! If I unfriend her, she’ll make me delete my FB account.  What is wrong with HER?!!!

ANSWER

I don’t know what exactly is wrong with your mother…  It seems obvious to me that this was not a good idea. Apparently there are brain cells that get destroyed during the birthing process, evidenced by the hordes of seemingly rational and intelligent adults acting like complete morons at approximately 15 years after the birth of each child.

I could go on and on about how irrational your mother is behaving but that’s not going to help you.  What will help you is for me to give you insight into what you can do to minimize the damage in the future.

For starters, I don’t think she feels like she’s being heard… by You. I think that if you give her a chance to vent to you and you make it crystal clear that you hear what she’s saying, she’ll be less likely to puke all over FB.  So let’s talk about the Do’s and Don’ts of letting Mom vent:

Do:

  • Let her speak until she’s finished, no matter how long or painful it is.
  • Confirm what you heard her say when she finally stops/comes up for air.
  • Maintain eye contact with her the entire time, giving her your undivided attention.

Don’t:

  • Interrupt.  Bite your tongue if you need to. Literally.
  • Presume that because you listened to her, she believes that you heard her.  Always confirm what you heard her say (in your own words).
  • Roll your eyes, make faces, text your friends about what an asshole she is, or worse…post about her on FB.

Now you know what to do in the future when the two of you are fighting.  As far as today is concerned, unsubscribe from her status updates so your social life isn’t negatively impacted by her impulsiveness.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Straight.