Newbie’s One Night Stand

Hi Dr. Darcy!
I had my first female one night stand – my first lesbian sexual experience- after some rockin Pride festivities.  After dancing was starting to get a bit out of hand, I invited her back to my place.  It. Was.  Incredible. Easily the best sex I’ve ever had.

I am not normally into one night stands – I like sex and intimacy to be imbedded in context! This girl’s a catch, she works in watershed education, she’s confident yet approachable, beautiful, [and] down to earth…

We exchanged numbers and danced on each other at more festivities the following night, but she confessed that she didn’t want to go home with anybody and that she’s emotionally unavailable from a recent breakup.  She invited me to call her if I ever come to her town and hang out.

I am interested in getting to know this girl.  I don’t want a bed buddy, and if she’s unavailable I don’t want to pursue a relationship.  I think she’s cool, and I want to learn more about her. Is there any hope of turning a one night stand into something more?  Friendship first? How do I even approach such a task? Thanks for any insight Dr. Darcy!

ANSWER

Welcome to the team, Newbie.  Now for your indoctrination: There’s not a chance in hell of turning this situation into a relationship.  I’m sorry.  This is the clearest call I’ve made in months. You should thank her for not playing games and for being direct. You won’t always be this lucky so I suggest you capitalize on the absence of drama, which is hardly the hallmark of female relationships.

Now let’s get you some game so that you can jump into the intimacy that you so deeply crave.  While it’s a lovely concept to be transparent about your feelings, remember human nature being what it is, we all like a challenge.  Using your one night stand as an example (and presuming that she was open to dating), maybe you could have waited a day to call her, or let her call you. Or let her approach you at the next day’s Pride event.  No matter how you slice it and regardless of how hot as it was to dance with her, a far more seductive dance is the dance of uncertainty, because the flip side of uncertainty is excitement, and Newbie, no matter what team you’re playing for, we all crave it.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Lesbian.