Mixed Signals

Dear Dr. Darcy:

This girl and I, both 22-year old females, have been college classmates for a few years but started hanging out lately.  The first time we hung out was a few weeks ago where we drank at her house. She was buzzed but not drunk. I had enough to drink where I built up the courage to tell her that I had left her the notes on her truck (I wrote her 2 flirtatious anonymous notes a few weeks prior to that). She asked calmly… “You wrote them?” and then she said she didn’t swing that way. We got interrupted when her roommate came outside where we were so the subject ended.

I would have let it go at that point because I certainly do respect her, but then later that night I got dizzy – great excuse to hold onto her to hold myself up. We held each other in an embrace for 10 minutes…She randomly said she was horny. She then grinded on me in a sexual way and repeated herself only saying “I’m horny for a guy”…

The next day when I returned to my apartment, I texted her and apologized for how crazy things got. She said that it was all good, with smiley faces, and that we’ll just say it never happened and that we’re good friends.

Last night I texted her and said we’re going to get drunk again. This will be the first time doing it again after our night of drinking. Her response , “K it’s a date lol” …We texted again about our drinking plans when we get back to school- I said there will be much more control next time we drink. She replied with “**** Who needs control lol”

Help me out please.  What’s going on? What should I do when I hang out and drink with her again? I respect her a lot and normally back off from any straight girl crush I’ve ever had, but I’m really caught up on mixed signals and the fact that she’s actually willing to not just hang out with me still, but to drink with me again after that day.

ANSWER

You’re in college – the one moment in your life when you’re virtually guaranteed to have access to a campus LGBT Organization (think:  Campus Pride, Gay Straight Alliance, etc.) which in turn virtually guarantees that you’ll have access to a nice available lesbian, yet you’re writing me volumes about a straight girl?

Not every girl is attainable.  Some are straight.  Some are closeted.  And some are clueless.  It’s not your job in life to help transition a closet case from said closet.  I agree that she’s sending you mixed signals – stay away from her, unless you want the drama that will come with it.

So what do I mean by stay away from her?  After all, you’re friends and I’m sure you’ll never agree to stop hanging out with her entirely.  What I mean is this:  Make sure that when you hang out with her there’s at least 1 other person with you and NO alcohol.  That’s the only way to ensure that you’ll behave yourself.  But let’s be real:  You’re not going to stay away from her.  I can feel it.  So just email me after you’ve polished off the Crown Royal with her and I’ll help bandage your wounds.

Writer’s Stats: Female, lesbian

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