Is it possible for a jealous person to change?

Dr. Darcy, my first 2 boyfriends cheated on me and even though that happened in my late teens / early 20’s, I still can’t manage to give a new partner the benefit of the doubt.

I’m now in my 40’s and every relationship I have is overshadowed by my jealousy. I don’t trust my partners, I’m always waiting for the first sign that they’re lying. My partners are so tired of dealing with my issues and, ironically, they don’t even know half the things I’m jealous of because I’m not trying to look like a crazy person.

Is it possible for a jealous person to change? Or should I just hang it up at 43?

 

There’s no need to hang it up, Mama. I hear your struggle, and I know it’s real. Both for you and for your partners.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion. We’re all born able to feel it, as we’re able to feel all emotions.

In some people, however, jealousy mutates into something different. And managing it in relationships can feel like a job. One that you suck at.

I would argue that we’d all suck at a job we were never trained in.

So, the first thing we have to do is see if you have ‘normal’ jealousy (which I doubt), and you can do that in just seconds by taking my quiz here.

Presuming you have a more complicated version of jealousy, here’s the deal:

Your body is responding to jealous triggers as though your relationship and/or your life is under threat. You’re literally having a physiological response in the absence of true danger.

Your body is doing what it knows how to do: It’s alert, it’s trying to keep you safe, but it’s picking up on signals that don’t warrant the level of alarm that your brain is putting out.

What you need to know is that you don’t need to respond to that alarm. What you need to do is focus on soothing your rattled emotions – and not in a way that involves your partner. The solution to this is an inside job.

After you take my quiz, you’ll get connected to tons of tools that you can use when you find yourself triggered by jealousy. Let me know how it goes.

PS: Know someone who needs some judgment-free guidance on how to manage jealousy? Forward this email so they can take my JealousyQuiz and get tons of free actionable tools. 💕