Germaphobe

Dear Dr. Darcy:

So I’ve been dating this guy for a little over a month and last weekend we went away to the beach and I thought for sure we’d have sex. It turns out this guy is a total germaphobe and won’t sleep with me until I show him paperwork to confirm I don’t have STD’s. Is this normal or is he nuts? I’ve been sleeping with men for 7 years and no one has ever required this of me!

ANSWER

I wish it were more normal. In my opinion no one should be sleeping with anyone without first confirming their STD/HIV status, and as cynical as it may sound, I’d prefer that it were in writing. After all, what’s to stop someone with herpes from saying that they have no STD’s, particularly if their game plan was to take Zovirax or some other herpes suppression medication, which is exactly what an former client of mine used to do. She was in a LTR with a guy who never knew that she had herpes because she was on top of her meds and never had an outbreak – but I felt it was his right to know and her moral obligation to tell him, not that she ever did.

I can imagine how off-putting this was for you. For me, it’s all in the delivery. If it’s framed as a demand, it can offend and absolutely kill the moment. If it’s framed outside of bed before either of you are naked and vulnerable, it can sound responsible and reasonable.

With that said, if this guy is truly a germaphobe this may just be the tip of the iceberg and his baggage may be more than you’re willing to sign up for. That’s for you to decide.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Straight.