Dodging Deception

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My son has been dating two women for more than a year. The second woman knows about the first – but the first is completely in the dark. That he can juggle these two relationships so effortlessly keeps me up at nights worrying if there isn’t something ‘off’ with him. But that’s not the point.

He wants to bring both of them to Christmas dinner. As I said, the second girlfriend knows about the first, so I’m assuming that she expects to play the role of the best friend. The whole thing sets me on edge. I don’t know that I’ll be able to enjoy my holiday with such tension in the air.

ANSWER

You absolutely should NOT allow him to bring both women to dinner and I want to clarify why I feel this way. I have no problem with him dating two women. I have a problem with the deception involved. And if you allow him to bring both girlfriends to Christmas dinner, you essentially condone the deception.

He’s going to get caught. They always do. And when the shit hits the fan, it’s going to create significant collateral damage. I don’t want you involved in that.

I don’t know the age of your son – and it almost doesn’t matter. As his mother, it’s your job to weigh in on his life decisions. It’s not your job to change his behaviors, but you do have an obligation to make your opinion known.   If you’ve been silent about this charade of his (and I suspect you have), you’ve passively endorsed it.  He’s giving you an opportunity to rectify that and to make your feelings known. Grab your ovaries, sister, and tell him how you feel about his relationships. And make him pick one woman to bring to Christmas so that everyone can breathe during the holiday.

Writer’s stats: Female, Heterosexual.