Divorcing The Drama Queen  

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My best friend always has her panties in a twist over someone or something. She’s always fighting with one of our friends, always pissed off at someone or causing someone to get mad at her. She shares her business (aka, talks shit) with anyone who will listen and almost never asks about anyone else’s life. I’ve seen about six friends part ways with her in the two years that we’ve been very close and I’m beginning to see why they do it (I’m a slow learner). I really think I finally need some distance from her. Is it wrong to end a friendship because it’s draining?

ANSWER

People either fuel your life or suck the fuel out of your life – they either contribute or they take away. Your BFF sounds like my worst nightmare. But be warned: You don’t want to become the next focal point of her drama, so the way you handle this is very important.

There’s no need to make declarative announcements such as I’ve decided we can’t be best friends anymore because that sort of statement will provoke a tsunami of drama from Drama. Find yourself busy more often than not. Cut your outreach down by half, then again in half in a month. Repeat until you have enough distance that you can breathe.

Now that we’ve solved that issue, it’s time to ponder why you were attracted to this type of person, and in particular, how you came to choose her as a best friend. The answer to this question will illuminate data about you – not her. We attract like-minded people into our lives and repel those who are incongruent. If you don’t excavate this issue, you’ll find yourself in a relationship with a new person with whom you’ll have similar problems, so get to work. It’s all about you.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Gay.