Dirty Pictures

Dear Darcy:

I found out that my husband is taking pictures on his cell phone of his genitals & also recorded himself masturbating.  Is he cheating on me or is something else going on?

ANSWER

Typically when someone records any video or takes any photos on a cell phone, it’s with the intention of sharing the video and photos.  So let me ask:  Did he send you these files, or did you learn about them some other way?  I suspect the later, and consequently, you should expect me to lay into you before this post is complete.

Have you spoken to him about the video and photos?  Or is your ability to confront him now compromised by the way you accessed the information?  Again, I suspect the later, though my advice here holds regardless:  You need to come clean to your husband and give him an opportunity to come clean with you.  I don’t have a crystal ball so I can’t say with 100% certainty why he’s doing what he’s doing, but he knows why.

If you want to save your marriage you need to stop talking to me and start talking to him.   Or, if you’re really feeling adventurous, add a third to the mix:  A couple’s counselor.

Now for my rant:  You cannot have a trusting relationship and check your significant other’s phone, email, or any other method of communication.  Yes, we all did it in high school.  But those of us who have had successful relationships beyond high school stopped shortly thereafter.  And if by chance you are a parent, you should follow the same guidelines, unless there’s a very good reason to be concerned for your child’s welfare.

Privacy is undervalued in our society.  We have virtually none, pun intended.  Safeguard and respect what little is within your control.