New Year, New Sex + Love Strategy. Bring it, 2019.
I don’t know about you, but 2018 felt less like a year and more like a decade to me. Or like I was cramming for final exams. All. Year. Long.
Realizing that I’ve been feeling so much pressure makes my inner rebel want to take over. It makes me want to break rules. Test boundaries. Push back.
So, as 2018 (thankfully) fades in our collective rearview mirror, I’ve decided to surrender control of my keyboard – and this blog post – to my inner 16-year old. Here’s how she thinks you should shake things up in 2019, so we all feel a lot less serious this time next year:
Break Rules
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you’ve been raised to follow certain rules when it comes to dating and relationships.
Some of those rules came to you in direct ways (particularly if you are of the age where you or your mother read that asinine book, The Rules, written by women who had no credentials to author the book and who are now divorced – random fact), and some of those rules came to you in more subtle ways – through media and through your culture.
If you want 2019 to be vastly different from 2018, you need to behave in vastly different ways than you did last year. That begins by breaking those rules.
CHALLENGE: Make a list of 3 rules you’ll commit to breaking this year. Here’s an example:
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Single Rule:
I can’t initiate contact on my dating site. I need to wait to be contacted first.
Break It: In 2019, if I find someone attractive, I’ll initiate contact and not be passive.
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Relationship Rule:
I can’t expect the quality of my relationship to be as fulfilling today as it was in the beginning.
Break It: In 2019, I will suggest to my partner that we do one of the following things for our relationship:
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Go to a couples weekend retreat.
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Register for a relationship skills course together.
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Find a couples counselor.
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Engage in an exciting sex activity (see below).
Test (sexual) Boundaries
We all have different levels of comfort, particularly when it comes to sex and sexuality.
Boundaries keep us feeling safe, but they can lower the excitement that comes from the unknown. There’s nothing seductive about sex (or masturbation) when it’s predictable.
If you want 2019 to be your hottest year yet, you have to test boundaries – mostly, your own. Here are some ideas for 2019:
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Orgasmic meditation. It’s a real thing – a 15-minute meditation practice in which you lay on a yoga mat, naked from the waist down, and your partner (or, if you’re single, a female ‘practice’ partner) strokes your clitoris.
And yes, it happens in a yoga studio with a group of strangers – like a Tony Robbins event for your clitoris.
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Say NO to vanilla. Look, I’m not judging – it’s my favorite cake flavor too – but in 2019, I say draw the line at the bedroom door (or, stop having sex in the bedroom at all, for starters). No. Vanilla. Sex.
Whether you’re single or partnered (and I’d argue that it’s harder to do this if you’re coupled b/c you need your partner’s willingness / participation, so pls, my singles, don’t roll your eyes at me on this one), here’s your plan:
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Make a list of 5 kinks you’ve never done.
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Pick 3 that you’re committing to try this year.
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Find events, websites, or sex coaches who specialize in those kinks.
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Schedule dates by when you’re going to go to those events.
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Touch yourself. If you’re not masturbating regularly, you need to start. I won’t take up room lamenting about all the physical and mental health benefits of it. You’ve got Google for that. Just do it. Touch yourself. It’s your body. It’s OK. Regardless of how much masturbation guilt you were raised with.
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Do it in front of your partner <- masturbate. Few things are as seductive (or as vulnerable) as masturbating in front of your partner. Up your courage and touch yourself while your partner’s watching.