In Case Of Emergency – Holiday Coping Skills Inside

You asked for it. This is your list of the most stressful things that can happen on a holiday – and my best tool for each nightmarish scenario. Happy holidays from your favorite outspoken lesbian shrink. 

TALK

Personal questions, political talk, unsolicited advice — hands down your biggest concerns involve what might come out of other people’s mouths.

Since we can’t control other people, here’s my tool for how to get the fuck away from the drama when people start talking stupid at the table. I made you a short little video walking you through this tool.    

BREAK UPS

Some things can’t be planned — like the timing of the last straw in a relationship.

If you feel emotionally gutted over this and incapable of discussing it — or, if you suspect you might get back together again in a couple of days and you basically just need a time out from each other, maybe you tell your family that your partner isn’t feeling well and you show up alone. Now I say this as a way to buy yourself some time to be able to have a more in depth conversation about your relationship status when you’re feeling up to it — not as a way of bypassing a conversation altogether or telling a lie. 

FAMILY DRAMA

I said it a few weeks ago and I’ll say it again: This is not the year when your family is going to get their shit together. And it’s not your job (or within your control) to manage them. From over-drinking, to who sits next to whom, to dropping f-bombs in front of kids — people need to manage themselves and you can’t control them. 

What you can control is yourself and your own reactions. 

I suggest under-reacting to the drama, or at the very least, reacting differently to it since (presumably) what you’ve done in the past hasn’t worked. 

If you need help removing yourself from a conversation, you can follow this video where I show you how to exit a conversation. 

If you’re dealing with someone who’s behaving badly in front of the kids, get up from the table and instruct the kids to help you with a task in another room.   

LOSS

Whether someone’s absent because of a breakup, a fight, or because of death, nothing illuminates the people we miss more than an empty chair at a holiday.

People often hesitate to do something to honor the person who’s no longer here — especially if the absence is due to a fight or a breakup — so don’t honor them. But DO find a way to honor and acknowledge your feelings. I like to light a candle. It’s more about me than it is about who I’m missing anyway. 

MISSING A FLIGHT /  HAVING NO PLANS

Shit happens. Occasionally we miss flights. And sometimes we find ourselves alone on a holiday. If either happens and you don’t find yourself flooded with relief at the prospect of having days or hours to binge on Netflix, consider showing up for others by volunteering at a soup kitchen, or contact your elderly neighbors and offer to run an errand for them. They’ll probably be so grateful for the offer that they’ll invite you in — and then you’ll both have plans for the holidays.