How To Thrive (Not Just Survive) The Holidays
Here’s a question I’ve been hearing a lot this year…
Dr. Darcy, I feel like the worst person because I’m dreading the holidays this year. As much as I miss my family and friends back home, I appreciated the break from all the stress. I never realized how much money and time and energy goes into it until last year.
I wish there was a way to find the sweet spot between being a recluse and pretending like it’s December 2019 again.
Don’t wish. Decide.
After all we’ve lived through, I want you to stop for a moment and take time to reflect on the choices you made that created the life you have.
Sounds like your before story involved meeting the needs of some very important people in your life—to your own detriment—and now you’d like things to be different moving forward.
What I want you to do is start by making a list called 5 Things I’m Dreading Most About The Holidays.
Presuming two of the items on your list are unchangeable, use the following solutions to solve the remaining three:
- If you’re hosting, offer to do the traveling and go to them (and vice versa).
- Initiate the idea of a grab bag to minimize financial stress.
- Dial up your curiosity when they bring up tense topics (instead of getting angry or resentful). Prepare for this by visualizing the person raising a sensitive subject. Imagine the questions you might ask if you weren’t passionate or opinionated about it. Now do it again, this time imagining you don’t know the person and you have to get them to dumb down their opinions so a stranger could understand them.
- Ask for help. Either pay for it or straight up ask for it. (If you had to read this more than once, it’s probably one of your solutions.)
- Say no. Here’s how. Say, “I would love to / am so excited to see you / wish I could — but unfortunately, I can’t.”
- Initiate kindness, rather than wait to be on the receiving end. Go on. Put your ego aside, grab what’s between your legs, and be the Hero of this story.
Now, if you’ve read through all this and you still have the I’m-dreading-the-holidays feeling, I want to tell you about something I’m doing this holiday season.
As a therapist, I’ve been inundated with more requests than I can handle with people reaching out for help this holiday season. And, every therapist I know is booked up as well.
Obviously, 2021 has been rough and the holidays are compounding the situation.
That’s why I’ve decided to do a spontaneous group coaching program to help you not just survive, but thrive, this holiday season.
Every Wednesday from 8-9:15 pm ET through January 5th, I’ll be going over crucial skills you need to survive the holiday season, whether it’s Christmas dinner at the in-laws or an in-person New Year’s Eve party with people you haven’t seen in almost two years.
You’ll also be able to come to these sessions and ask me questions live and get on-the-spot direction on how to navigate the sticky relationship and emotional issues that come up this time of year.
There’s also a Facebook community for extra support — and you’ll kick off the New Year feeling refreshed instead of drained.
Want to join me? We already started, but there’s still time to jump in. (Yes, all sessions will be recorded in case you can’t make it).
Wondering if this is right for you? Book a 15-minute call with me or one of my team members to see if it’s a right fit.
Hope to see you and Happy Holidays!
Writer’s Demographics
Gender: Straight
Sexual Orientation: Female