Holiday de-stressors your therapist won’t recommend

I say it every year but I’ll say it again for my newbies: There’s a reason why therapists are swamped between late October and January 1, and it’s got nothing to do with the weather. It’s the holidays. 

For some, the holiday season represents the warm cozy feeling I get when I’m wrapped in my electric blanket on a snowy day. 

This blog isn’t for those people. 

It’s for you. 

There are a million reasons why holidays can be triggering for people – even for those who mostly like their families. Those reasons include:

• Loss, Grief + Loneliness. Through death, a breakup, estrangement.

• Being thrust back into the family of origin. And all the baggage that no one’s bothered to examine or unpack throughout the years. 

• Differences in Values, Religion, Beliefs. They voted for what’s-his-name. You didn’t.

• Cringeworthy Questions. “How are you still single?” “So what’s going on with [insert last year’s goal here]?”

• Too many ppl to buy for – not enough money. No need to elaborate.

This year, power through the holiday with coping methods that only this therapist would ever recommend:

Bail. If the level of joy afterwards won’t be higher than the level of stress leading up to it/during it, it’s too high a price. Call out. It’s your holiday too. 

Strip. A particularly effective stress reliever for people who will be spending the holiday season with those of differing religious or political beliefs is Pole Dancing. Picture the most uptight members of your tribe watching your class. We call this sublimation: A socially appropriate outlet for an otherwise unacceptable impulse. 

Give it away. If resources are tight, initiate a new tradition of making donations in each others’ names. Most charities don’t list the dollar amount of the donation when they notify the recipient that you made a donation in their name. This allows you to spend as little money as feels comfortable and it’s an amazing thing to do. Charities like UNICEF make this super easy. See here.

Have an exit strategy. An exit strategy, like a Xanax, can stave off panic just by knowing it’s there if you need it. And sometimes you do.

• Determine ahead of time the terms and conditions under which you’ll leave. 
  Doing this allows your brain to organize itself which reduces anxiety. It also defines your boundaries so you know when it’s time to say goodbye.

• Have your own car. Or confirm that rideshare apps like Uber/Lyft work in the area you’ll be. 

• Stay in a hotel. Not with the host. You’ll be amazed by what a difference having your own space makes. Even if you only sleep there and you spend every waking hour in the company of others, you’ll be able to decompress in a way that will allow you to show up the next day refueled.