Just turned 30 and still single

Hi Darcy, I’m a straight female who just turned 30 and I’m the only one of my friends who’s not in a relationship.  Most of them are engaged or married and some are getting pregnant. And then there’s me. Forever single.

I feel like I’m getting left behind and at a different life stage than everyone else. I don’t know why finding someone seems to be impossible for me and seemingly easy for everyone else.

Do I just need to accept that I’ll be single forever?

 

No. You most certainly do not have to accept that you’ll be single forever.

That said we attract partners who are at the same level of personal development that we’re at. Their issues will usually look different from ours, but the laws of relationships hold that we cannot attract someone who is broken unless we have the same number of fractures.

The men you’re attracting aren’t working out because they’re at a different level of mental health than you’re currently at.

Being single is the symptom. It’s not the problem.

Focus your energy inward. You probably have an attachment style that could use some work. Measure it by going here. Then find a therapist who knows about attachment theory + send her your results so she has a roadmap of how to focus your work.

Hit therapy hard for a year. Don’t skip sessions. Next January, you should be ready to date.

I realize that you’re feeling pressure because of your age but I’m telling you, this will take less time than another failed relationship would – and it won’t involve heartbreak.

Writer’s Demographics
Female, Straight.