Game Gone Wrong

Dr. Darcy, I've been an idiot. Help. 

I met a woman and we got on really well, had a connection and then I told her I met another woman who then became my girlfriend, purely to make her jealous. 

I now realize I don't want the game playing anymore. I just want her. However, being the idiot that I am, I didn't think this through. I can't tell her I fabricated having a girlfriend or she will think I'm pathetic (I'm aware you probably think this too) but if I tell her that the fake girlfriend and I broke up she will think I'm just using her as a rebound. Either way I'm screwed….

Is there any way to salvage something with this woman without telling her the whole truth? She's very special to me and I regret playing with her emotions.

ANSWER

You took the concept of ‘game’ and committed a foul. The idea behind having game is to create excitement through uncertainty – not to pull yourself out of the race. You could have implied that there were other people interested in you by delaying your response to her texts, or you could have upped the intrigue by feigning plans for a few weekends. But instead, you made yourself unavailable. Still, this isn’t irrevocable.

Sometimes the most obvious solution is the right solution. Tell her you’ve broken up with your fake girlfriend. Then lay low for a few months so there’s a buffer between the breakup and the beginning of courting Ms. Right. Delayed gratification is the hallmark of adulthood. Consider it your punishment for being bad.  

Gender & Orientation: Male, Straight.

The Vaginal Orgasm

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Dear Dr. Darcy:

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for two months and I still can’t make her come during sex. I’m getting worried that this will become a deal breaker. I’ve heard that not all women have orgasms during sex (penetration). Do you think it’s a problem that she only comes during oral sex?

ANSWER

You’re asking a lesbian if she thinks it’s problematic that your girlfriend only orgasms during oral sex. Really?

Dude, stop watching porn for sex education. 75% of women do NOT have vaginal orgasms. Furthermore, research suggest that in the majority of cases in which women do report having an orgasm during intercourse, it’s a result of clitoral stimulation – not the penis or prowess of her male partner.

If anything becomes a deal breaker in your relationship, it’s likely to be the emphasis on goal-oriented sex. Enjoy your woman. Stop focusing on what you’re unable to achieve and be grateful for what you can.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Straight.

Informed Consent

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Dear Dr. Darcy:

I have encountered situations where I have dated someone and ended up using their bathroom and seeing medications out in the open that are anti-depressant medications. Some [of the men] have been open about suffering from anxiety or depression, [however], the person I am [currently] dating did NOT share anything with me [about these] medications. I happened to remember the name and I looked up one and it is an anti-psychotic that treats everything from bipolar disorder (yikes!) to anxiety. He has also not mentioned being in therapy or anything (though maybe he is and is not comfortable sharing this.)

Being that certain psychotic disorders are really scary- especially if the person ever has to go OFF the medication (AS HAPPENED TO SOMEONE I KNOW- halfway through the marriage the woman went off the meds and became a monster and they divorced) how do I bring this up? Frankly, I’d rather find out now.

ANSWER

Anti-psychotics are no joke, and let me tell you: If I were dating someone and stumbled upon said medication, you better believe I’d be leaning into that conversation no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel – particularly if I were a heterosexual given the genetic component of psychotic disorders and bipolar disorder.

I don’t think the guy leaves the medication out unless he fully expects you to look at it and initiate a conversation about it. That’s my feeling. So I’d have very little hesitance in asking, “So how long have you been on Risperdal?” in the hopes that he would participate in a conversation about it. If he doesn’t, that tells you something about him. If he does, make sure you know what he’s being treated for.

Once you have all your information, it’s up to you to decide whether to continue seeing him or pull the plug – but at least you’ll be making an informed decision at that point.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Straight.