Creepy Counselor

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I have a moral dilemma. I dated this guy years ago who worked at a day camp and was accused of dating some of the CIT’s [counselors in training] and was fired for that reason.  The CIT’s at the camp were as young as 15 and he was in his early 20’s. Anyway, I just saw on Facebook that he was hired at an all girls school and I’m obviously concerned about the wellbeing of his soon-to-be students. Should I contact the school that just hired him and tell them or should I mind my own business?

ANSWER

This is your business. I don’t know how he was fired for having sexual relations with under age girls without the police being involved but that seems to be the missing piece and since you know the story, it is your moral obligation to inform his new employer of his past.

I want to clarify something: He was not dating these girls: He was taking advantage of the age disparity between them. He was having sexually intimate encounters with children who were not old enough to consent to those encounters.  Had the police been involved and had it been confirmed that he did what he was accused of doing, he would have been labeled a sex offender. Had that happened it would have solved a plethora of issues, namely this one, because he would never have been able to get a job in a school.

So to reiterate, I strongly urge you to contact the school where you’re ex douche was just hired to warn them that at the very least, they’re about to expose their students to a perv and possibly a sexual predator.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Straight.

Fabulous Products For Organizing

Welcome to Tuesday’s Tips, the one-day a week when I dispense useful, actionable and empowering tips!

I’ve gotten so many responses to my recent posts on minimizing mess and getting organized. Many of you are asking for direct recommendations/links for keeping small spaces organized. Well I have to tell you ~ very few things make me as happy as finding the perfect product to maximize space and minimize clutter so I’m thrilled to share with you a few of my fabulous products for organizing.

Today I’ll start with the most problematic area in most homes: The Kitchen. And among the greatest culprits in NYC is a lack of counter space. Any product that get’s things off the counter is a major find. And for me, the biggest beast is the dish drainer. So I reflected back on my summers in Spain (Europeans tend to live in small spaces) and recalled that Europeans have dish drainers that hang over the sink.

I’ve got this particular drainer in my home. I have it hanging on a rod over my sink so that water drains right into the sink and it folds up when I’m not using it. I’ll never use another drainer. Ever.

Screen shot 2013-05-28 at 1.00.29 PM
Screen shot 2013-05-28 at 1.00.29 PM

Another major issue in NYC is that there’s no place to put pens, tape, stamps, scissors, keys, etc., so I found these amazing cup tiles that mount directly to the wall. How adorable?

Screen shot 2013-05-28 at 1.03.43 PM
Screen shot 2013-05-28 at 1.03.43 PM

Knife sets can also take up space but they are easy to raise. My favorite method is the magnetic knife bar.

And there you have it. Your favorite lesbian shrink’s favorite things. Minimizing your external mess helps you to minimize your internal mess. Happy Tuesday.

Looking For A Sugar Daddy

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Dear Dr. Darcy,

I have a moral dilemma. I'm a young woman struggling financially and have recently signed up to a "sugar daddy dating" website, I'm sure you're familiar with the term sugar daddy, it's when an older man gives you money and gifts in exchange for sex and companionship. I've never done anything like this before and still don't feel great about it as it's essentially prostitution and I'm not going to delude myself into thinking it's not. It's prostituting yourself to one guy for a lot of money rather than selling yourself to lots of guys for a small amount of money, I acknowledge this. Several wealthy men have sent me messages, I haven't responded to any thus far.

My question is, is this a terrible idea? I mean is wanting financial security, a better future, for myself and other members of my family so bad? I am worried that if I do this it will leave me emotionally scarred for life and however much money I make from a rich guy I will spent the majority of it on therapy.

I suspect you will tell me that I'm crazy to even consider this and that I should get a job (as well as some self-respect) instead but it's difficult, there are so many people fighting for so few jobs and even if I did get one, it would be slaving away for minimum wage which isn't appealing to me.

ANSWER

I don’t think you’re crazy. Of course you want financial security. Since the beginning of time that’s what marriage has been for women.  In the context of history, women have just recently begun to change the world and carve out options beyond marriage.  So of course there will be women in every generation who would prefer the apparent simplicity of an arrangement to having a career. But before I encourage you to start answering emails from potential sugar daddy’s, let’s discuss your feelings around this topic.

You don’t want to do this.  You’re already imagining that you’ll feel like a prostitute.  You reference needing self-respect. You want me to tell you not to do this. You don’t need me to tell you what to do. You need to tune into your inner voice which is already telling you what you should do.

I’m not going to judge you for wanting money, but I am going to judge you for your lack of creativity. Things are not black and white.  There are ways around getting a minimum wage job. In any city waitresses make really good money. Temp agencies pay well.  In NYC, bartenders make between $200-800 a night. Those are 3 options just off the top of my head.  But ultimately you’re going to have to ask yourself a very important question:

How much is your self-esteem worth? I can tell you that my clients pay me a good amount of money to help them build it.  So what’s yours worth? Every choice we make comes with a price attached to it. Take that dollar amount and tack that on to the salary of what a bartender makes, and you’re going to find that you’ll be well above minimum wage. Don’t be lazy. Use your head.  Find a way to keep your clothes on.  And let me know if I can help in any other way.

Writer’s Stats: Female, withheld.