Do not read if you want to believe in fairy tales

Do not read if you want to believe in fairy tales

If you want a long-term relationship to last, you have to change the grammatical association
you have with the word Love. I have a very rational explanation for this:

Emotions come and go. They ebb and flow. They aren’t consistent. The reason people fail to create new long-term habits boils down to this: They rely on motivation to propel them to take consistent action.

Click below to read how a small change in the way you view Love can make a big difference.

Read More

Why Winners Win

Welcome to Format Free Friday, when I break the format of answering your questions and I dispense that which we rarely welcome in life: Unsolicited Advice.

Oh. My. God. It’s been forever since I’ve written on a Friday! I’ve been busy, busy, busy writing a book proposal for my very first book, a 7-year labor of love which I just finished this summer. Thank you for your patience, loyal followers!

OK, let’s get down to business. What’s the difference between successful people and those who get sucked into drama every time something goes wrong in their lives? I’ll tell you: Successful people keep their eye on the goal. They stay focused on what they want to achieve rather than on what they want to avoid. And there’s literally a ratio for this: 90/10.

Successful people spend 90% of their time working towards something. Sure, bad things happen to them just like it does to everyone else, but they only dedicate 10% of their time, energy and focus on resolving problems. Because let’s face it, we can easily get sucked into the problems of our life. The key is not to get derailed ~ not to get distracted. So how do you do this?

Try an experiment. For 1 week, track every minute of your day to see how you spend your time. There’s a plethora of time tracking technology available. I’ve heard good things about Toggl, and what I like best about it is that at the end of the week, you’ll have a pie chart which will give you a visual of how you spend your time.

If, after a week of logging your time, you find that you’re unclear about what changes you need to make to get yourself to the 90/10 ratio, email me and I’ll be happy to help you out: Darcy@AskDrDarcy.com

 

What Kind Of Dancer Do You Want To Be

Screen shot 2013-05-15 at 9.38.45 AM

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I recently hit hard times. I’m having a hard time meeting rent and can’t afford to go out anymore…. I came to New York to be a dancer and I can’t even afford dance classes anymore.  Ironically, right next door to my dance studio is a high-end strip club. I’ve been approached by the manager of the club (I guess he watches dance classes and approaches dancers who he wants to hire) and he’s offered to pay me $200.00 a night plus tips (tips can be over $500/night). What I stand to make in a night is more money than I currently make in 2 weeks. Do you think it would be a terrible idea if I just danced in the club for 6 months until I’ve saved a good amount of money? It would be such easy money!!!

ANSWER

Let’s be clear: It would be the toughest money you’d ever earn. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a strip club but I certainly have, so let me clue you in on the reality:

The men will touch you every time they tip you. Some of them will be old enough to be your grandfather. Initially, the few hundred dollars a night that you’ll make will satisfy you, until you see girls leaving with double your pay for doing lap dances. You’ll soon learn that lap dances in the VIP room brings in even more money, but what you don’t know is that you’ll have to give blow jobs for that.  After you get desensitized to that, it’s just a hop, skip and a grand jeté into becoming an escort.

Your 6-month plan is delusional. It’s a fantasy. You’re expenseswill increase with your salary. You won’t be disciplined enough to live beneath your means and so you’ll save little, if anything. You’ll blink and six months will have turned into a year. In the meantime, sure, you’ll be able to afford dance classes. But how long do you think it will take for students in your studio to find out that you’re a stripper? And once they know, your teachers will find out. You’ll be branded. Teachers and choreographers won’t consider you for jobs because they’ll think of you as someone who’s not a real dancer.

You are at a fork in the road.  Turn the wrong way and you’ll abandon your dream of becoming a professional dancer, regardless of the silly 6-month story you’ll tell yourself. My advice is to walk past that strip club and into your dance school. Every day.  Find a way to get discounted classes. Clean the toilets in exchange for free classes. I used to. And since we both know that you train at my school, clearly it’s possible. You just have to make the right choice, which is sometimes not the easier one.

Writer’s stats: Female, bi.