Why You Need Game


I counted: Five people this week complained to me about having to play games while dating. They’re too old for games, they’re not into games, do people still play games? 

Yes. They do.

And if you’d like to attract someone who is less evolved than the Dalai Lama, you too need to learn the seduction of the dating ritual.

I’ll explain it from a human behavioral standpoint: People have a series of basic needs – I won’t go into each with you – Instead, I’ll focus on the one that is relevant to dating: Excitement. We have a need for excitement, particularly early on in a relationship. Excitement is what turns us on. It’s why we like surprises, why we like variety, why we crave new clothing and food. We’re hardwired for it, and the idea that people rail against it is as ridiculous as railing against any other basic need. You want to find a partner? Stop complaining about things that will never change – like people’s attraction to excitement.

Let me tell you about excitement’s flip side: Certainty. Certainty is another basic human need – but like any great recipe, this ingredient needs to be added at the exact right time. Add certainty too early in a relationship and I promise you, it will kill the excitement thus killing the attraction. I mention this because those of you who hate games probably value certainty over excitement. Nothing wrong with that – but understand that you’re in the minority, and if you don’t pace your need for certainty by giving your partner what he or she needs, you’ll never last long enough for an attachment to form. Because those who love excitement will move on to someone who can make their heart beat a little faster; someone who consumes their thoughts throughout the day.

So now that I’ve made my case for why you need game, let me send you off with a little challenge: Don’t text back immediately. Let her wait an hour. And don’t do this consistently because then it becomes predictable (predictability=certainty). Pick a restaurant on your own – everything doesn’t have to be a diplomatic collaboration. Choose sexy over a convenient restaurant location. Pay the bill when she goes to the bathroom – even if it’s her turn. And sometimes the best thing you can do at the end of a great date is resist the temptation to go back to her place. Foreplay starts in her head. That’s why game is so important.

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