It never fails. Every time you end a relationship, your girlfriends tell you that they thought you were too good for your ex. They never really understood what you saw in him/her, or why you couldn’t see the warning signs that were so obvious to them.
Everyone falls for a loser now and then. But if you find yourself repeatedly scratching your head about why you seem to be attracted to painfully wrong partners, chances are you’ve fallen into one of the categories below:
You date potential.
You minimize and rationalize red flags because you think your partner will change. If your partner isn’t who you want him/her to be today, you’re not in the right relationship. Sure, people change and grow over their lives, but you’re going to ruin your partner’s if your happiness is contingent on them changing. Stop trying to change your partners. As you can see from the title, it never works.
You don’t have boundaries.
We teach people how to treat us. Everyone tests boundaries in relationships. When your partners test your boundaries, you let them slide on shitty behavior. And those behaviors just get worse. Maybe you have a list of Must-Haves or Deal-Breakers but the moment your feelings are involved, you spin explanations that put your choices in direct conflict with those Deal-Breakers. Until you learn to stick to your boundaries, you’ll keep dating losers.
Your need to be with someone is stronger than your need to be with someone healthy.
Being single is intolerable to you. You don’t see the fun in it. In fact, you don’t consider yourself single when you’re not in a relationship – you consider yourself alone. You can’t handle it. So, your standards are non-existent, allowing you to consistently be in a relationship with the wrong person. If your purpose for being in a relationship is to avoid being alone, chances are you’ll be attracting partners who feel like they need to be in a relationship to feel whole, too. You see, we tend to attract partners who are on the same developmental level as ourselves. This is a recipe for disaster because two halves don’t make a whole. Next stop: Loserville.
Bottom line: Everyone has a ‘type’. If you’re not happy with the outcomes of your love life, take my quiz to find out if you keep picking the wrong partners.