Dear Dr. Darcy:
I’m in a really tough situation and I know you’re going to lay into me for my idiotic decisions. Here goes. About 5 months ago I went on a date with a woman I met on online dating. Anyway, the date went fine and it’s 5 months later and she wants to meet my family on Thanksgiving and they want to meet her. But there’s the problem. I grew up in Europe for the first 10 years of my life and my lineage is from the UK. Having told my girlfriend this on our first date, I began our first date speaking with a British accent, and I don’t actually have one. I haven’t since 1 year after we moved to here. But the thing is, I know women go crazy for a British accent and, well, I’ve been speaking to her in one ever since and it’s created a lot of problems for me. For example, I can’t speak to her when I’m in earshot of my roommates because obviously they know that I don’t have an accent. And it’s the reason why she hasn’t met my family yet. I don’t know what to do about this. I’m at a loss, so much so that I’m willing to take whatever you throw my way just for some help in getting out of this mess.
Oh. My. God. After reading this, I was so dumbfounded that I turned to my wife, forwarded her this question and asked, “Is there any way for this guy to get out of this unscathed?"
And it turns out, there isn’t. This was a major fuck up and it will likely call into question everything you’ve ever told her about yourself, rendering her suspicious, distrustful and very hurt. But there’s only one way out and it’s by coming clean.
You’re going to find this hard to believe, but I actually understand why you did it. Women go nuts over a UK accent and it absolutely bumps a guy up on the attraction meter if he has one. That said, I suggest you use humor and self-deprecation when you tell her the story as a way of lightening the blow. Explain to her that you so badly wanted to impress her that you would have walked on fire if you thought it would cause her to like you.
At the end of the day, you’re going to have to be willing to spend some time in the doghouse. She won’t get over this quickly. And let me encourage you to fully disclose any other misrepresentations you may have made. The question is, will you tell her in an American accent or in a UK one?
Writer’s Stats: Male, Straight.