Dear Dr. Darcy:
I’ve had it with my partner. She’s been cheating on me for 2 years, thinking I don’t know about it and basically running around town with women half her age. Doesn’t she know why these women are with her? Doesn’t she know it’s for her money? Could she really be that deep in denial? Doesn’t she question the discrepancy between her physical attributes and those of her little whores? How can she bear to be touched by someone who wouldn’t be caught dead with her if she made 30K a year? What is wrong with her?
Your problem is that you’re so hyper-focused on your partner that you’re not looking at yourself, and unless you start looking at yourself, I can virtually guarantee that in future relationships you’ll repeat the same mistakes you made in this relationship. And as you’re about to find out, you wrote into the wrong shrink if you didn’t want this to turn into a teachable moment.
How have you remained in this relationship for 2 years knowing that your partner is cheating on you? I’ll tell you how: Because you’re with her for the same reasons the 20-year olds are with her ~ for her money. You know what that makes you? Nope, not that. It makes you a hypocrite, which is far worse. At least a whore has a conscious understand of what she’s doing.
You could drown in questions about the extent to which your partner has her head up her ass, and at the end of the day you’ll have made zero progress on the real problem: You. Stop focusing on your partner and start asking yourself action-provoking questions such as, “How can I end this relationship?” or “How amazing could my life be if I was with someone who was faithful to me?” or “What immediate steps do I need to take to get the life I deserve?”
And when you’ve made your move and are no longer U-hauling with her, feel free to dive into the “How did I let this happen?” kind of questions, which will keep you in therapy for at least a few years and will keep your therapist well-off for those years.
Writer’s Stats: Female, lesbian (even though my partner doesn’t believe I’m one!)