Dear Dr. Darcy:

My girlfriend has always wanted a 3-way with me and I’ve recently begun to open up to the idea.  Also, her last 2 relationships were open relationships.  Last night we were at a girl party in NYC and some girl came up and started dancing with her while she was dancing with me.  My girlfriend brought the girl between the two of us and put her hands behind me so I couldn’t move and the three of us danced like that for a few songs.  I was ok with that, but my girlfriend then got us a table with bottle service and we all proceeded to get wasted (nothing physical beyond dancing had happened).  At some point I literally passed out.  When I woke up, my girlfriend was kissing my neck and had her hand up my shirt and the other girl had her hand up my skirt.  I freaked out, and the minute my girlfriend saw how upset I was she became even more upset – like I have no right to be upset that some strange girl's had was up my skirt!  So we woke up today and, if you can imagine, she still won’t talk to me.  I’m starting to think I’m losing my mind.  Am I nuts?  Do I have the right to be mad over this? Are you against 3-ways?


Yes, you have a right to be mad over this.  Your girlfriend, manipulative bitch that she is, is trying to reposition herself as the person who was misunderstood, and I want you to know that it’s complete horseshit and that she’s aware of what she’s doing, which makes her hateful.

Future 3-ways aside, her behavior should have destroyed any trust that you could possibly have in her, rendering the relationship over. I hope you have the self-esteem necessary to kick her to the curb.

I am not against 3-ways.  I am for anything that involves full disclosure and that occurs between and among adults provided it doesn’t hurt them (not talking BDSM here) or others.  With that said, and particularly when there’s 1 or more women involved, I believe that 3-ways need to be approached respectfully and with great thought to potential risks.  Your soon-to-be ex was neither respectful nor thoughtful.  On my list of biggest douche bags is where she belongs.

Writer’s Stats: Female, lesbian.