Hi. I’m a college freshman and have been dating my boyfriend since last semester. A few nights ago I had a guy friend visit from another school and we were hanging out in my suite with my boyfriend and sort of hooked up and had sex. All of us. The thing is it wasn’t so much about me and them as much as it was about them and each other. So now I’m wondering if maybe my boyfriend is gay?! He’s very open sexually. He’s always said that sexuality is fluid for most people. I just didn’t think he was talking about himself. He says it’s the first time he’s ever hooked up with a guy, but I can’t get the images out of my mind of how much he was enjoying hooking up with my guy friend. I expected that we’d all be a little uncomfortable the next day and my boyfriend was so NOT uncomfortable. He was like high all day over it. No embarrassment whatsoever. Am I making something out of nothing?
Yes and No. Yes, you’re hyper-focusing on your boyfriend’s sexual orientation, and in your defense, I understand that it’s a big deal. But an equally big deal, Miss, is the fact that you just had a three-way with two guys. And the fact that you fail to reference how you’re feeling about having sex with two men in the same encounter tells me that you’re avoiding it. And if you’re avoiding it, you can’t be too comfortable with having done it.
Now getting back to your relationship, I do believe that some people are fluid in their sexuality. The fact that your boyfriend had an extremely erotic / unique experience could explain why he was ‘high all day over it.’ Or, he could be gay. I don’t know him so I can’t tell you for sure. But maybe he can.
You guys need to sit down and discuss your tryst. You can’t pretend that it didn’t happen. You need to talk to your boyfriend about what it was like for you to have sex with another guy, what it was like to have a three-way, and how you feel about the whole experience. Then, and only then, you can ask him what it was like for him, and you can ask him if he’s gay.
Gender & Orientation: Female, Straight.