Twins And The City

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I’m a twin in my late 30’s.  My sister, who is my twin, has never brought home a date, and to my knowledge has never dated.  She played hard-core sports in high school, was captain of every team she played on and went to a D1 school on a full scholarship.  I’m telling you all of this because I’m pretty sure she’s gay.  And I couldn’t care less.  I mean, I love her no matter what and I think our family will accept her as being gay.  I’m sure they will.  What I can’t stand is that they continue to try and set her up with men.  They see her as this very successful attorney who is still single because she works long hours.  We both went to good schools and have demanding careers (I’m a physician), but I found time to date and managed to get married.  I know my sister.  It isn’t that she doesn’t have time to date.  She has friends, most of whom are gay.  She still plays her sports on adult travel teams.  We both live here in the city [NYC].  We could have gotten a deal if we bought our condos in the same building, but she opted to buy on the other end of town and I think it’s because she wants to be able to live her life free of judgment.  I’m at the point where I want to help her by outing her.  I want her to have permission to date, be happy, maybe get married one day.  Dr. Darcy, should I sit our parents down and tell them that my sister’s gay?

ANSWER

Slow down there, Mrs.   I know that your feelings are coming from a place of good intent, but outing someone is irreversible, and, even in the spirit of increasing your sister’s quality of life, inappropriate.  It’s inappropriate because her sexual orientation is hers alone and her prerogative to share.  And, HELLO, you don’t even know for sure that she’s gay.

It’s clear that you’ve been living with these feelings for many, many years.  I’m not sure when you first got the suspicion that your sister was gay, but you’ve been collecting evidence ever since to support your theory.   Let’s just presume she is:  Why not ask her?   Why not share with her what you’ve just shared with me, and what I’ve now shared with my readers, one of whom could be your twin? Logically, wouldn’t that be the first conversation to have?

Sit your twin down and speak from your heart.  Let her know from the beginning that you love her no matter what, and then ask her if she’s gay.   If she denies it, you have to accept it.  And if she admits it, you’ll have taken a step towards getting closer to her, which is really what is at the core of your need.

Writer's Stats: Female, Heterosexual.