Dear Dr. Darcy:
If I'm not interested in a woman, is it ok to tell her that I'm gay, to avoid hurting her feelings?
I am not the moral authority on what you can and can’t do. I’ll tell you, however, that it’s not her feelings that you’re trying to spare. It’s your reaction to her feelings that you’re trying to avoid feeling. You don’t want to feel your own discomfort around her hearing the truth.
What do you imagine the truth will do to her? How have you dealt with rejection in the past? What experiences are you projecting onto her?
I think you should practice telling the truth. Not for her, but for you. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve wanted to tell a ‘white’ lie to spare someone else’s feelings. It could be a good growth opportunity for you.