It’s impossible to cheat-proof your relationship. That’s the first truth about cheating, and it’s probably why I personally don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it in my own relationship.
A cheater’s going to cheat no matter how intently you try to micromanage his behaviors. You simply can’t be with your partner 24/7.
And so, other than doing your due diligence in the very beginning of the relationship (which is when you should be assessing your partner’s character to see if his actions and his words line up), there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop your partner from cheating if he wants to cheat. You can’t build a fence high enough to stop him. All you can do is make the two of you miserable as you attempt to control the uncontrollable.
That said, here are the top signs that your partner’s up to no good:
Sudden change in:
• Physical Appearance
• Desire for sex
• Attention / Gifts
WHY? Listen, I sell change. I am all about people’s ability to change. But I’ll tell you, change isn’t easy, and it doesn’t happen quickly even when we want it to.
Rapid change is an indication of a rapid change. So, if you’re not the change that’s causing the change, something else (or someone else) must be.
Sudden secrecy around phone / computer privacy.
WHY? If it’s not your birthday, your anniversary or December, there’s no reason why your partner would suddenly increase his need for privacy unless he suddenly wants to communicate privately with the person he’s privately sleeping with / falling in love with.
Similar to the first explanation, people don’t ‘suddenly change’ in any area of their life unless a significant external variable has provoked the change. Like a major life event. Or a death. Or a huge transition. Or a huge transgression.
Another sign in this category: Suddenly ‘forgetting’ the phone at home or in the car, which is something people do when they don’t want their phone blowing up in front of you.
They’ve never brought you around certain friends/any friends/collogues.
WHY? He’s keeping you away from certain people because those people either know him as being single, or as being in a relationship – just not with you.
A Sudden aversion to PDA.
WHY? If he used to be a hand holder and suddenly becomes hand-avoidant, it’s because he doesn’t want someone (or anyone) to know you’re together.
Their friends are awkward around you.
WHY? He may be comfortable cheating, but if members of his tribe know about it, chances are they won’t be OK deceiving you. They’ll be distant, unavailable, and have trouble holding eye contact.
WHY: If you asked how the party was and he gave you a summary of every hour, and this is out of character, you’re right to raise a brow. Liars talk too much. The rest of us speak in fragments that rarely make sense until someone asks clarifying questions.
The numbers don’t add up around Time or Money.
WHY? If they can’t account for how they spend their time (they’re always running late, they can’t account for how they spend their money, their bills are paid late), then something’s amiss. Numbers don’t lie. Which means he probably is. This is the big one I missed in marriage number one – hindsight being 20/20 and all. But that’s another blog post.
Not sure if you’re justified in your paranoia or just a Jelly Nelly?
Take my quiz to see how jealous you really are.