The Value of Happiness

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Dear Dr. Darcy:

My life is the life that any woman would want. It looks so perfect from the outside, but inside I’m dying. Maybe I’m already dead. If I’m alive I’m hanging on by a thread. I don’t know what to do to change it. I’m afraid if I explore this, I’ll fall apart.  Where do I begin?


You begin by exploring your values because ultimately they will either motivate you to change or keep you where you are. Let me be more specific: If your greatest value is being viewed as perfect by the world, you won’t change. If your greatest value is being true to yourself, or being authentically happy, you’ll be able to change.

You’re currently stuck because these values are in conflict with one-another, which is why the solution lies in prioritizing one. It’s certainly not going to be easy, but what’s the cost of doing nothing?

Ultimately this needs to be done in therapy. A gifted therapist will know how to pace you so that the work will be manageable. The last thing a therapist wants is for you to start therapy and fall apart – believe me.  And this is why you can’t go to just anyone. Email me for names. I have a very short list.

Writer’s Stats:  Female, Straight.