Dear Dr. Darcy: I have tried to do so many things with my life and I consistently fail. I tried to become a customer service representative but was fired because I never know what to say in the heat of the moment. I’m just not good at politics and being politically correct. Then I tried to work in retail – if you think I was bad at customer service, you should have seen me at retail. And just recently I went back to school to finish my degree (I tend to quit things before I complete them) which I never finished and because I’m not a good writer, I bought a paper online and used it as my own and got caught and expelled. I am at my wit’s end. I don’t know what to do. I just want a simple life, an easy job that doesn’t stress me out and that I can do with minimal mistakes.
Your question, which is only 1 paragraph, has 9 negative statements about yourself. If these are your expressed thoughts, I can only imagine how negative your internal dialogue is. Most of us have no awareness of the content of our internal dialogue and because of that, it tends to be a very critical voice. I bring this to your attention because words have power. They cause us to manifest our words and beliefs.
It’s called the Law of Attraction, and I’m certain that much of your troubles in life are a result of what you’re focusing on. When we focus on our weaknesses or on what we don’t want in life, several things happen:
We feel bad. And because we feel bad, our emotional state is low. When our emotional state is low, so is our energy. When we try to accomplish a goal when our energy is low, we do so with a major handicap.
We are less resourceful because of our emotional state. Our cognitive functioning slows down, we don’t problem solve as effectively and as a result, we don’t see opportunities that may be right in front of us.
Our brains start to hunt for evidence that our negative beliefs are correct. In your case, your negative beliefs are about yourself. How will your brain amass evidence that your negative beliefs are correct? By attracting you to jobs that don’t tap into your strengths.
You need to choose your words with care, knowing that everything you say will come true. And you need to measure your strengths so that you can begin to focus on them rather than on your weaknesses. Go to AuthenticHappiness.org and take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths questionnaire. The results will give you a list of your top strengths and a description of each. Each day, begin focusing on ways to use your strengths. When you look for your next job, make sure it will require you to tap into some of your top strengths. And start focusing on what you want. Get clear. Get a vision. Right now you’re like a car with no headlights.