The NEW Cuddle Buddy

I have a cuddle buddy... All I really wanted was a sexual night now and then. Friendship. Now I get all the drama and jealousy... Seems to be my pattern: finding women who feel I am safe and then I am totally disgusted in the level of their jealousy or spiritual defensiveness or wanting/demanding time without communicating that need until a big fat resentment hits me like a sleeper wave... The problem may be me.  Slow to see trouble cooking. Then trying to get the picture from the lady after a one-sided conflict. I listen. No resolution... She/We are done. If I stay involved [I get] more passive aggression .

My part? I rarely say how I feel when these events happen.  Any exercises in how to authentically check in; validate myself and my buddy? [How to] state what I can and am willing to do?  I think I do that..  [I] listen and reflect what I hear. [I] just [do it] a day late.   I'm thinking this casual sexual/friendship is not… a state that lesbian women of 50 can do without all the baggage of relationship.

What is it with me attracting wounded souls?... So what flags do you see from your arm chair?

ANSWER

If you speak to your ‘cuddle buddies’ the way you speak to me, it’s no wonder they have no idea what the hell you want from them.  And why do you feel the need to muddy up the waters by coining yet another stupid term that’s bound to confuse the poor women who cross your path?  Incidentally, there's nothing new about this term except in the way that you’re using the term, which may have something to do with why these women don’t view your house-of-cards boundaries as real boundaries:  A cuddle buddy is someone with whom one cuddles.  Not someone with whom one fucks.

You want exercises that might enable you to speak your mind?  Try opening your mouth and sharing your thoughts when you begin to have them.  You get no credit for speaking a day late.  Are you kidding me?  And I say this because I have no faith that when you say ‘a day late’ you literally mean one day late. Again, much of the time I don’t know what you’re trying to say, and if I don't, how do you expect them to?

You want to know why you only attract wounded souls?  Because anyone with a modicum of emotional health would smell your bullshit a mile away and would avoid you like the plague.  Hence, you're left with the women that the rest of us passed on when we were dating, and that's the pool from which you 'cuddle'.

You embody everything I hate in the lesbian community.  A 50-something year old who is still (sadly) incapable of having an intimate relationship.  It was cute in college.  Maybe it was even cute in your 20’s.  But it’s dated at your age.  From my vantage point, which is to say from my armchair, I say that you need to cross the threshold of my office. If not for you, than perhaps for the lesbian community at large. I'm tired of patching up the poor souls who are unfortunate enough to wind up in your bed. I'm ready to get to the source.  Are you?

Writer's Stats: Woman, Lesbian.