Step Away From The Best Friend

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Dear Dr. Darcy:

I don't know what's going on between my best friend and me. We have known each other for years and used to be really tight. He's a straight guy and probably the only reason we ever met was because all those years ago when I first saw him, I was attracted to him so introduced myself. We became fast friends and I was encouraged because I just knew he was gay. He never asked about me and I never asked about his orientation for the longest time and when it did come up, he maintained that he is straight. I told him I am gay and then the subject was dropped and the friendship continued.

I always felt and still do that he is gay...I'm hardly ever wrong when it comes to my gaydar. His ''girlfriend" manipulated her way into his life and they now live together. Our friendship has changed for the worse lately. We hardly ever get to hang out because his gf really hates when we spend any time alone. She does anything she can to see that we don't see each other. I miss my friend and think if I understood what is going on, it would be easier for me to deal with without driving myself crazy.

ANSWER

She’s threatened by you. It’s that simple. Just as you have a gut feeling about his sexual orientation, she has a gut feeling that you could be a threat to her relationship.

I don’t know if your friend is gay or not, but I do know that it’s not your right or responsibility to usher him into our camp. Sexual orientation is a VERY personal aspect of someone’s life. If he happens to be gay or bi, he is clearly uncomfortable with it.  He can’t be made to address it simply because you’re both attracted to him and missing the friendship.

Listen, the best friend is almost never a good idea – particularly if the best friend identifies as having a different sexual orientation than you do.  There are enough gorgeous, wonderful boys out there. Find one who identifies as gay. You deserve to have the normal odds against your relationship working out as the rest of us, without the added odds that dating a straight man brings. My advice is to step away from the best friend.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Gay.