S&M Guy

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I am a married straight man in my early 30’s.  My wife and I have a very good relationship. We’re both on the kinky side. She loves being dominant and often our role-play involves me playing a submissive female.  In recent months I’ve taken my role as an SF [submissive female] out of the bedroom and online.  My wife knows about this and is fine with it.  I’m allowed to do anything I want online, but I recently met a woman who identifies as a lesbian butch and she wants to meet me out.  The idea of meeting this woman out thrills me beyond words, but there’s one problem:  She doesn’t know I’m role-playing gender.  I’m fairly certain that I can get my wife to OK a one-time tryst, but how do I handle my gender? I’m afraid that if I tell this woman that I’m male she won’t meet me.


Ladies, are you listening to this?  Do you now see why I’m so against chat rooms, particularly when there are men who ‘role-play’ as lesbians?

Mr., you are selfish and married (S&M). The term role-play is only applicable when all parties are informed about the role-play.  You, S&M, are a liar, and what you are doing is so wrong that I had to take a break from writing an answer so I’d have a modicum of patience and be able to educate you on why you’re a douche bag, lest you walk away feeling as though I was behaving as an emotional dom and (gagging at the thought), manage to get turned on.

You have a moral obligation to tell this woman that you are a man.  If you fail to and you meet said butch out, she could respond in an aggressive way.  Indeed, she could have my temper and my propensity to see beyond the current situation and imagine you doing this to a femme, giving her the fuel necessary to teach you a lesson you won’t forget. Even as I write this, I see the secondary gains that getting a beating would provide you with, leaving me momentarily at a loss.

I understand that women are objects to you, existing only for your pleasure.  Your question doesn’t ask me what to do; it asks me how to accomplish your goal.  Well, S&M, your goal is fucked.  It’s twisted.  And if you had balls and were a real man, it could potentially put a woman in danger.  One day you will breed with your wife or with some other woman.  When you do, I predict that you will have a little girl. Karma is a bitch, S&M.  Handle this situation as you’d want a man to treat your daughter.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Straight