SheTox: The Lesbian Detox

Dear Dr. Darcy: 

My girlfriend and I recently broke up after almost 2-years together. As much as I loved her, she was my first girlfriend and I just know that I need to play the field before I settle down.  

Long story short, she feels betrayed by my need to date other women. Aside from turning all our mutual friends against me (which is hurtful enough), she’s refusing to be friends. I feel so frustrated by her decision to cut me off because I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t cheat. I didn’t lie. And now I feel like I’m being punished. I was prepared to lose her as a ‘partner’ but losing my best friend feels unnecessarily cruel. Would you please give me/us your opinion?


Good for you for not lying or cheating as so many would have. You did the right thing – for YOU.

Now she’s doing the right thing – for HER. You’re not being punished. This isn’t personal. The lesbian propensity to transition from long-term lovers to BFFs without so much as a breath in between is nothing short of delusional. It causes the person whose heart was broken to heal at the speed of snail mail, and it’s selfish on your part.

You ended the relationship. Period. You don’t get to keep the part of her that you still find useful and fulfilling. She’s a human being, and if you’re to be honest and even remotely objective, you’ll realize how unreasonable it is of you to expect her to move on while still remaining emotionally intimate with you.

You’ll get over losing your best friend. Probably a lot faster than she’ll get over losing the love of her life. And maybe one day you can be friends – but not today. And not next week. Give her a chance to rebound and let her reach out to you when she’s ready. That’s the kind thing to do. Right now, she needs a shetox from you.

Gender & Orientation: Female, Lesbian