Sexpectations

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My boyfriend doesn't please me in bed. Basically he won’t go down on me. He says that all the other girls he dated were able to come through penetration. He’s tried giving me oral sex a few times but always stops after a minute or two. Whenever I try to discuss it I feel like he turns it into there being something wrong with me that I can’t come through sex. He’s made it clear he doesn’t like going down on women but for me that’s the only way I can orgasm. I’ve looked up how to have vaginal orgasms and I keep trying but it just never works. Is there something wrong with me?

ANSWER

No. There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, there’s a lot right with you. That you were willing to take responsibility for your sexual satisfaction by researching how to have vaginal orgasms tells me that you don’t need to make your boyfriend wrong – which tells me that you don’t need to always be right.

That said, your boyfriend sounds like a selfish asshole. Actually, worse: Selfish would mean he’d take responsibility for not wanting to go down on you. This douchebag implies that there’s something wrong with you for not being able to come through penetration, which, by the way, puts you in the population of the majority of women in the world.

He doesn’t like going down on you? I don’t know too many straight women who enjoy the lockjaw that they get from blowing their partners – yet they do it anyway. I don’t understand a partner who is content with being sexually satisfied while their partner clearly hasn’t finished.  I’d rather be alone with a vibrator than partnered with your boyfriend – even if I weren’t married. And gay.

Gender & Orientation: Female, Bisexual.