Dear Dr. Darcy:
I was raised in a very Catholic home that was filled with racist and homophobic slurs. My brothers (there are 9 boys) and I stopped using that language when we went off to college and learned that it’s offensive, but I’m still haunted by guilt from those days. I’ve been out since just after college and despite my family’s acceptance of me being gay, and their recent welcoming of my live-in boyfriend, I’m still riddled with guilt whenever I have sex. It’s been 3 years since I came out. Am I ever going to be able to work through these issues on my own or am I destined for therapy?
I don’t know why anyone expects to ‘work through’ a mental health issue on their own any more than I expect to drill out a cavity from my own mouth when dentistry isn’t my profession. But maybe my way of thinking limits me. Or maybe it allows me to delegate my weaknesses so I can focus on using my strengths.
Clearly, your family has come a long way, and for that they should be applauded. It sounds like you need to catch up to them. No huge deal, as long as you deal with it.
Lots of people have sex guilt. And most of them go to the grave with it because they’re too prideful to get the help they need. Don’t be one of those fools. You can either spend 6 months – 1 year in therapy to work through this or you can spend the rest of your life wanting to repent every time you have an orgasm. Your choice. Email me for names.
Writer’s Stats: Male, Gay.