Romance Advice

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I’ve been with the same person for years. I don’t have any specific complaints. We get along, we live together, no one’s cheated, but I’m just going through the motions. I’m bored. When is it time to end a relationship?


Boring people are bored. If you’re looking for me to give you permission to leave your partner, you’re going to be disappointed. If you’re looking for some empowerment, toughen up and read through my answer.

When we begin dating, we engage in an activity called, dating. As time goes on and we experience greater levels of comfort with our partner, we stop dating. Life without dating kills romance. I’ve said it before: Stop watering a plant and see what happens. Romance is our relationship lifeblood.

Romance doesn’t have to break the bank. It does, however, require thought, foresight and taking action. I’ll give you a little romance advice challenge:

On a scale of 1-10, rate the current level of romance in your relationship. For the next 30 days, I challenge you to put the below-referenced 10 tips into action (that’s a little more than 2 action steps weekly). On day 30, rate your level of romance again using the same scale. If it hasn’t increased at least 3 points, I’ll give you a month of free therapy (I’ll expect a comprehensive accounting of the steps you took). Stop looking for your partner to ignite your passion for life. Begin by following the Golden Rule and giving what you wish to receive. Let’s see if that heats things up a bit for you. Good luck.

  1. Each of you shares 5 things that you miss in the relationship. Then, act on those things.
  2. Tell your partner one thing that you are grateful for on a daily basis.
  3. Stop verbalizing complaints. Instead, keep a complaint journal.
  4. Touch your partner for at least 5 minutes daily in a non-sexual way.
  5. Each week, send a sexy text to your partner. Yes, I’m asking you to sext.
  6. Buy your partner a surprise ~ not expensive, but thoughtful.
  7. Send a card (snail mail) to your partner’s office address.
  8. Surprise your partner with a bath ~ bonus points for rose petals.
  9. Do one of your partner’s household chores without being asked.
  10. In the last week, send your partner a short erotica story that you authored.