Risking Rejection

Dr. Darcy:

I broke up with my girlfriend a year and a half ago [and I] tried to call her and make things up in the first 6 months but she didn’t want that......now she’s with me in a lecture and I can always see her looking at me in an indirect way, I just want to know what does that mean, coz if she is willing to get me back, I am ready to make the move but on the other hand am really afraid that she’s going to reject me again and I dunno if I can handle it this time.

What do you think I should do? PLZ REPLY.

ANSWER

I think that living life with regrets isn’t living at all.  I am a big risk taker myself and cannot imagine where I’d be in life if I didn’t throw myself in the path of rejection at every chance.  It isn’t that I’m not afraid of being rejected.  It’s that I’m more afraid of having regrets.  And a strange thing begins to happen when you put yourself at risk of rejection…

You live.  Not only do you live, but rejection becomes less scary, so the next time something appealing is dangling before you, taking the plunge is easier.  Now, if you avoid things that scare you, you send your body a message that scary things are dangerous, and so the fear grows.  The next time you’re faced with a challenge, you’re even less likely to face it because now your body thinks it has evidence from the previous experience confirming that the challenge is dangerous.  Either way, it becomes a vicious cycle.  So my question to you is, do you want to grow up to be courageous or a pussy?

Call the girl.  Put your heart on the line.  Think of it as a good work out at the emotional gym.  If she’s a decent person, at the very least she’ll value your ability to take responsibility for what went wrong between you.  Your words may even have a healing effect.  And you’ll be a stronger man when you’re done.  You don’t want to be 40 years old, regretting this, do you?

Writer’s stats: Male, straight.