Dear Dr. Darcy:
Lately I have been questioning my sexuality. I have been looking at women differently. I even turned down prom from a guy, to go spend some time with my girlfriends. I have started to hold hands with my girlfriends, is this bad? Sorry if this sounds weird but am I lesbian?
What I think is that you’re still in high school and that it may take you a little longer to figure out whether or not you’re gay.
Female friendships, particularly in junior high and high school, can be VERY intense, and choosing to hang with your bff’s in lieu of prom could be a sign of many things, including that you have high enough self-esteem to say no to something (prom) that most others wouldn’t question.
A thousand years ago when I was growing up I had a camp friend who I was very close to. In 10th grade, she told me that she thought she was a lesbian. I, who was ‘boy crazy’ and consumed with my own life, told her that I loved her no matter what. She is now married to a man and identifies as straight. I, on the other hand, am married to a woman and identify as lesbian. My wife, as another example, knew she was gay from the time she was 12 years old and has never been with a man. The point is that sometimes you know, as a teenager, and sometimes you don’t have a clue.
High school is a common time to question things, including your sexuality, and I encourage you to explore your thoughts and feelings. The most important advice I can give you is not to deny your feelings and thoughts, as they tend to surface in a larger capacity when we ignore them.
If you’d like to speak with someone about the way you’re feeling, you can contact the GLBT National Help Center by clicking this link. And you can always email me directly.