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Dear Dr. Darcy:

I have always masturbated while thinking of the same sex. I have been with a couple girls and I liked it but I always find myself thinking of having sex with other men. I really enjoy looking at other naked men this really gets me excited. Do you think I could be gay?


I think that we can agree that you are attracted to men. Whether you choose to identify as gay is your own prerogative.  You’re clearly questioning and I think that for the time being you should give yourself permission to identify as questioning.

The fact that you’ve hooked up with females and liked it doesn’t rule out the possibility that you’re gay. Some men who identify as gay are able to enjoy sex with women, though encounters with women don’t do for them what sex with a man does.

Look, at the end of the day we can call it anything… We can call it purple, but for you, purple will mean that you’re attracted to men.  Sometimes people get so caught up in the label of gay, straight, or bi that it impedes their process of identifying. Don’t get caught up in the label. You are what you are and whatever that is, it’s what you’re meant to be.

Writer’s stats: Male, Questioning.